lowly peasant errand girl

Change.

2009-05-16T17:02:00.001-04:00

The change is permanent!

You can find me here:

lpeg.wordpress.com

Changing It Up.

2009-01-09T09:22:00.002-05:00

So I've been playing around with Wordpress for the past couple of days, and Kristin told me you could import your entire previous blog into there, so I'm going to give it a go. I'm not sure I'm too fond of Wordpress, as I can't seem to customize my blog or have any other widgets show up without erasing my blog roll and archives.

So, for the next couple of weeks, you can find me here.

I may be back. I'll let you know when it's permanent!

Zing.

2009-01-06T09:58:00.005-05:00

Do you ever feel you become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's Box of all the secret hateful parts -- your arrogance, your spite, your condescension -- has sprung open. Someone provokes you, and instead of just smiling and moving on, you zing them. Hello, it's Mr. Nasty. I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about... Tom Hanks, You've Got Mail

I heard from The Ex yesterday. In email form. Just a quick hello, I suppose, wondering if I'd still respond to him. I would. In the form of some snarky comment. I know, it's childish, but as I was watching You've Got Mail last night on television, all I wanted to do was zing him. And since I never am good at the quick zings in person, I got to think about what I wanted to say, and, damnit, I said it.

It felt good, too.

Dreams.

2008-12-31T00:35:00.002-05:00

I haven't been sleeping well lately. I find myself waking, in the early hours, to some horrible nightmare. A few weeks ago, in the wake of the Athens riots, I woke in the middle of the night to hail on my window. In my dream, it was gunfire.

Last week, the day before Christmas, a building in town pretty much burned to the ground. That night, I relived the night my college apartment burned down.

Two nights ago, I dreamt my boss fired my coworker. Last night, I dreamt about work again.

If I ever dreamt before, I scarcely remembered it. A nightmare would plague my sleep every so often, but not like lately. I have dreams or nightmares 3-4 times a week, which leave me exhausted when I wake.

So what does it all mean?

Lazy.

2008-12-30T19:27:00.000-05:00

I was in my pajamas before 6pm tonight.

I donned some jeans and a sweatshirt, and headed out to the library to pick up some books on Niagara Falls for my job interview presentation [which they didn't have], and ended up with a movie selection for my extremely exciting night in with the dogs tomorrow. The line-up, of course, was not complete without Roman Holiday. I've also got Pride and Prejudice [The BBC version with Colin Firth], Casablanca, My Fair Lady, An Affair to Remember and Gone With The Wind. Some Chinese take-out, a blanket, and a snuggle with the dogs, and I should be good till midnight. Who knows if I'll even watch the ball drop.

As I was out driving tonight, slowly composing this blog post in my head, I ended up being completely absorbed with counting any friends I had left in the area, that I ended up driving right by the video store and realized, a mile down the road, that I had gone too far.

And then I counted. Jess: gone. Josh: girlfriend. JW: gone. Nate: gone. Chris: long story - shouldn't hang out with him [I'll fill you in later]. Georgiana: Chicago for New Years. Ashton: Vermont for New Years. David: gone.

I can't think of anymore people that I knew up here who I was friends with. They are all gone from here for good, or else they have gone home for the holidays.

As I sit here, watching Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck, I realize that I have become very lazy lately. I have no social life. I come home, put on my pajamas, cook dinner, and put on the tv. Sometimes I read, sometimes I surf the web, but it's been consistently like this since my second job ended at the end of October. It's been two months, and I don't have anything to do. And I've got plenty to do. I need to log my hours for my IDP [architecture internship stuff]. I could clean my apartment. I could get rid of stuff. I could go to the movies. I could do SOMETHING. But I don't. And I have no motivation for it because I have no one to do it with.

At times like these, I miss living at home. I had a built-in person to do things with: my mom. And it was fun, and we definitely enjoyed each other's company. And it felt like we could go off and do our own thing in the house and it was no big deal. I guess I'm just missing that. And missing having something to do. At least when I was working two jobs, I didn't have time to realize how bored and lonely I was. Now, for this week, I've got Jet [a Great Dane puppy] and Cara [a retriever of sorts] to hang out with. But next week it's back to being all alone, again.

I need a change.

Bumper Sticker.

2008-12-26T15:42:00.000-05:00

Lil Sis sent me a bumper sticker on Facebook the other day.

Straight No Chaser

2008-12-26T13:50:00.000-05:00

Lil Sis introduced me to the men's a capella group, Straight No Chaser, on Christmas Eve, after she purchased their holiday soundtrack.

Today, I've been scrolling through their YouTube videos, looking for something to listen to, and I just had to share a few.

These guys are fantastic!

Enjoy!

Resolutions

2008-12-26T11:21:00.004-05:00

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone! I hope you all had a good day!

As for me, my holiday was amazing, and just being home and with my immediate family, opening gifts till 4 in the morning - it was perfect [especially when Lil Sis and I made mom bawl after she watched our gift]!

This morning, I checked my mail, and in it was an email from Match.com [which I do not pay for, but keep getting the emails] and, in trying to get me to subscribe, noted in the header "Make Him Your New Year's Resolution!" Right.

Sorry Match.com - but I'm a bit more independent than that. I can make myself happy without centering my life around a man.

Top Ten on T.

2008-12-21T00:25:00.000-05:00

When you don't feel like blogging, there are always memes to do! Following in Hope's footsteps, here's the newest one.

The rules:

You leave a comment on this post, and I’ll assign you a letter. You write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on.

***

1. Twilight - Yes, the books by Stephenie Meyer, and yes, I know some of you do not like it, but I immensely enjoyed the series. I really liked this woman's article about it, too.

2. Twist, Peppermint Mocha - from Starbucks. Have you tried it? It is DELISH.

3. Txxxxx - Ok, I'm cheating, but my last name starts with T. Plus, we don't have any boys in the family, so I'm seriously considering keeping my last name. Someone has to carry on the family name!

4. Traveling - I cannot live without it. Seriously, it's like a heroin addiction. Favorite places include Switzerland, Ireland, Scotland, Italy, France, England, Austria, and Aruba.

5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - was my favorite cartoon as a kid, along with Fraggle Rock. Aside from the correlation of my last name and the word turtle, I have a fascination with turtles. I even collected them as a kid. Stuffed animals, glass, porcelain, wooden bobbleheads - you name it, I had it.

6. Theatre - especially Broadway musicals. Wicked, Rent, Phantom, Movin' Out, The Lion King, Miss Saigon, The Producers - I LOVE them all. If I lived in New York, I'd splurge just to see a show once a week!

7. Ted Mosby - and the entire cast of How I Met Your Mother. Seriously, fantastic show. If you haven't seen it, Monday nights on CBS.

8. Television - I don't know what I would do without TV. Fall prime-time lineup is the best time of year! I think I have 2 shows that record each night of the week. Sad, but true.

9. Time Off - I love my 'me-time'. I love lazy Sundays in bed, with a good book, my laptop, and a chick flick on the TV.

10. Times Square and Rockefeller Center - Lil Sis and I ended up in NYC this weekend, since we were already in CT, and I just love NYC at Christmastime, aside from the masses of people, it's just such a great place. Walk down 5th Ave just after dark, and tell me there isn't something special about it!

Booked.

2008-12-20T15:51:00.000-05:00

I did it.

I just booked my non-refundable tickets to Los Angeles.

Oh, wait. I haven't updated you all :)

When I mentioned I had a phone interview with the tour company in this post, I forgot to tell you all that I was asked to come out to California for a two-day interview process. January 20 & 21, Tuesday and Wednesday, I will be flying out for this interview. If I do well, I will be asked back to do the month-long training session in March. If they like me, then they offer me a job with the company starting in June [which, once you've gone through training, they hire pretty much everyone].

On a side note, the training is one-month long, and it starts out in California. We then hit the road for a 18-day tour, in which we learn on-the-road training [also researching the cities we're visiting, and all the things we need to know in each city to help the clients out - metro, doctors, museums, etc, etc].

Funny thing is, with working for The Workshops this summer, I did alot of this. And the woman I spoke with is trying to get me to be a driver too. She said it would give me more flexibility, give me more tours [and more money], and she said the female drivers they've had in the past have been a hit. Who knows? I'll think about it, for sure. I like driving!

Yay! I am totally going to be asked to go to the training program. I know I will :)

Ahh, the power of positive thinking.

So ten minutes ago, I pulled out my credit card, and I booked my flight to LA. *sigh*

It took me the past two hours to click on the 'book now' button. I freaked out for a minute. I know the only thing I've been saying over the past year is how much I want to get out of here. And I do. Really. But when the opportunity presents itself, it's a bit scary.

My friend Ashton popped into the coffee shop about an hour ago, and he told me that 'nerves are good, right? If you're comfortable, then you're not learning. And you're not living.'

I smiled at him, and went to finish booking my flight. He gave me a high five, and went back to work.

So I've done it. January 19 I am flying out, late, from Manchester. And I will be arriving in Los Angeles on Tuesday morning. I will have my interview, I will present my assigned ten-minute topic on 'Niagara Falls', and I will have a sit down interview. I will rock it, and they will offer me a position in the training program.

But I'm scared. In a good way, but still scared. This could be it. This could be my ticket out of here. I just have to make it happen. And not be too scared to let it happen.

Just keeping my fingers crossed.

Wait. No, weight.

2008-12-19T00:21:00.001-05:00

This morning I was talking with a friend who needed to let off steam. Her husband was sending some photos of their family to his mother, and as she was going through to see which photos he had chosen, she saw some pretty unflattering ones of herself.

Truthfully, do I really LOOK like that? She asked me.

I'm Huge! She said, after I told her that some pictures were just unflattering. Some of us are just horrible picture-posers. Myself included.

I've put on some weight since I graduated from high school. I was cute back then, thin, pretty. After that bout of depression I had in college, I haven't really gained more weight, but just kept what I had gained during that terrible year.

We look in the mirror, and what we see is different than what other people see. Or is it? Do we delude ourselves enough to say, 'no, I haven't gained that much weight', or 'no, this outfit really does look good', when, in reality, 'yes, you have' and 'no, that does not look that great,' are the real answers?

There are times when I am so consumed by what other people think about me, and what they first see. And yet, when I looked at my friend this morning, her being 'huge' was not was I first saw, nor is it ever what I see about her. What I see is the person inside [Ok, totally corny line, but it's the truth.]

I don't think people judge each other as much as what we fear in our heads. And that fear? That can paralyze you. My therapist and I were talking about this yesterday, when I told her my fear of public speaking, of being 'graded' or 'judged' when I know it's important. When I know no one really cares, I can present just fine. I compare it to singing, actually. When I'm singing in front of a crowd who doesn't really know much about music, or who doesn't really know the song, I'm fine - I sing great, and I have that confidence. When I'm singing in front of a panel of judges, trying to make the cut, and I know that they are analyzing every sound that comes out of my mouth, because they know the piece in it's entirety, then I fuck up. My voice wavers, and I even forget the lyrics.

Like my therapist said, Fear can be paralyzing.

And that fear can relate to our health and our weight. Society can be cruel. Just this morning I saw the headline that Whitney had won America's Next Top Model [I know, I'm a little behind]. I googled her name, curious as to what she looked like, and I literally spit out my coffee when I saw that, at a size 10, she was considered a PLUS SIZE MODEL! Seriously? Size 10? I mean, I know it's not a 2, but come on people! Wasn't Marilyn Monroe a size 8? They should be promoting that as healthy, not Plus Size! And if you look at any of her pictures, you would never guess she was even a 10. She looks so great.

The trends in society have gotten so bad. I was watching Twilight a few weeks ago, and I was appalled at how stick thin Kristen Stewart was - from the side she was barely visible!

Sometimes I am tempted to get up and go to the gym. And other times, I think, 'what's the use? I'll never be as tiny as those girls' and my motivation goes right out the window. It's a pathetic excuse, I know, but it still goes through my head.

And do you know how expensive it is for a gym membership? And for someone struggling with money, it's not always the easiest thing to spend any extra cash on, especially if you need to buy groceries or gas for the car. And I know, yada yada yada, she just keeps giving herself excuses.

I used to play three sports a year. I was unbelievably active and thin, and back then, I still thought I was fat. So what is wrong with our society?

So with this slight breakdown my friend had this morning, we are going to try and work together, influence and motivate each other to get healthy again. Eat healthier, drink more water, exercise more.

Anyone have any good exercise suggestions that one can do in the house? Especially if it's cold and snowy outside, and going to the gym costs $10 a visit [which this broke girl can't afford]. I'd go to a dance class, but that's just as pricey...

Love This Movie.

2008-12-18T22:40:00.001-05:00

How do I get out of my depression, you ask? Why, with Bridget Jones, of course!

There's nothing that gets a better laugh from me than to watch her sing along [and drum too!]

Depression.

2008-12-18T11:22:00.003-05:00

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut.

My weakness is that I care too much.

Depression was a topic of one of Hope's posts last week . Or rather, her panic attacks, and what prompted her to seek therapy were.

I sought out therapy after my roommate told me I needed help. After she watched, for several months, my despair, my bitchiness, my lack of effort, my need to sleep constantly, bingeing on junk food, blinds closed, chick flick in the dvd player. I hardly spoke to anyone. I hardly cared about my school work. It was just me, holed up in my dark room, under the covers.

I spent an entire semester like this. No wonder I put on weight. Finally, after seeing me like this for a little over a month, she suggested I seek real help. The kind the school offered. Counseling and therapy sessions.

I went, begrudgingly, but I went. I sat in my therapist's office and told her how I hated my roommates. How they were slobs. How I couldn't stand their friends. She prompted me for an explanation. I didn't have one [well, I kind of did, but that's really irrelevant]. Deep down it was the heartache that made me depressed. Knowing that I wasn't good enough. That he chose [cheated on me] someone else. That even though I tried so hard to be the perfect girlfriend, it didn't matter to him.

It took me months to recover from that breakup. Nine, to be exact. Nine months to feel like I could be social again, without wanting to scream and tear someone's head off, no matter how small the offense. I was a downright bitch, because I couldn't handle anything. The smallest nuisance, annoyance would make me snap. And because of this, I lost most of my closest friends in college. [Apparently they weren't that close, or else they would've stood by me, right?] And that, that sent me back down into that black hole. That I wasn't good enough for even my friends to stick around.

Boy, that was a bad year. And I never recovered those friendships, either. It's odd, because, I look back on my college years, and I think, 'If only I hadn't dated him, things would've been okay', but then I realize that my favorite year of college was the one we dated, because of the other friendships I made, the other friends that I do still keep in touch with, and the experience of a first love.

There are many ways to resolve our depression. This weekend, as I stood in the art gallery of a friend, and looked at his work, I realized that he, too, had found his outlet. I connected with this painting more than any other; the depth, the sadness, the beauty of it.

And our scars remind us that the past is real.

I tear my heart open, just to feel.

The end (for now)

2008-12-12T22:35:00.001-05:00

I hadn't heard from NavyBoy for about a week - we've both been busy, and barely catching each other on aim. I've also been talking with E, so I haven't been as preoccupied with NavyBoy as I'd typically be. Since I had a few nights off this weekend before I headed to Connecticut, I sent him a message to see if he was still up for getting together anytime soon. This is the response I got back this morning:

Lpeg,
So, I just wanted to let you know that I haven't purposly been ignoring you. When we were first talking I was also talking to someone on match and we have hit it off. I really have no idea whether or not it is going anywhere as we have not yet met but I have a hard time talking to two people at once.... I'm the furthest thing from a player. I just wanted to make sure you know what is going on and let you know that I am still very interested in you. You should know that I think you and me hit it off great, and I do mean that by all means, I just think me and this other girl hit it off a little more. It's not fair for me to say "please wait as this could go nowhere" but it is what I'm saying. I completly understand if your angry with me, as I know I would be. I swore when I got on here I would only talk to one person because these e-mails make me feel absolutly horrible. I think your great and I enjoy talking to you and I hope this won't cut off all contact between us. take care, hope to hear from you soon.
NavyBoy.

I actually thought it was quite mature of him, considering most of the guys I date would just ignore me and pretend I hadn't left them a message. And I am still open to contact from him. He told the truth, right? Can't blame him for that.

So that's where things stand with NavyBoy. I'm not sure if that story has a future, but I wish him luck. It was fun while it lasted.

Winter Song

2008-12-10T11:54:00.000-05:00

I'm addicted to Ingrid Michaelson's & Sara Bareilles' new song 'Winter Song'. I tried to embed it, but you'll just have to watch it on YouTube for the moment.

Check it out. It's a beautiful song, with a great video.

Starting off on the right foot...

2008-12-09T14:33:00.001-05:00

I have a phone interview next week with the tour company !

A Bit Jumbled Up.

2008-12-09T09:02:00.001-05:00

So I decided to get into the holiday spirit and put up my winter time banner. I love red and snow! :)

Not too much has been going on lately. I talk to E quit a bit, not as many phone calls, but rather hours long of txt messaging. I've filled my inbox several times over!

As for NavyBoy, I was hoping we'd get together this weekend, but my computer hasn't been working too well, and I'm never on AIM, so I haven't heard from him. Maybe he found someone else? Maybe he's just busy. Either way, oh well. If he suggests meeting up, I'll go, but I'm definitely not as excited as I was before.

Work is going well, after work is boring. Georgiana moved out this weekend, so it's nice to have a little more freedom in the living room [she's been sleeping on our couch for the past two months - she's from Romania and needed a hand, so I offered], but it is definitely nice to not have to worry about a third person anymore.

My friend Chris came over last night and we talked. I met him and his wife Em through the grocery store over a year ago, and they came over last fall to play cards with me and J . I've seen them occasionally since and talk on IM a bit. They have been going through a rough patch, and Em went back to her parents. Chris is just lonely and miserable, and wanted some company, so he came over and we talked for a few hours.

The family is doing great - Lil Sis and I are going to Connecticut this weekend for my college roommate's art gallery opening!! Go Ted! [If you're all in the area, definitely stop by!] He's got some amazing work, see here , and his blog here . And he'll be selling some smaller pieces, as well as the larger ones early on, so get there and buy a piece. I'm just waiting for the day when someone walks into my home, checks out my artwork, and says, 'Is that a Ted Mikulski original?' :)

Anyways - just go. You won't be disappointed!

Ok, back to work. Have a good Tuesday!

Flo, Part II

2008-12-08T09:18:00.000-05:00

You can read Part I, here.

Back in April, I wrote that post, about an extraordinary woman my mother knew. She made it seven months longer than they thought, and died on Black Friday. I just wanted to share with you the lovely words her family had to say, and they even love my mother so much, they added her in, as well. She broke into tears when she told me they did that.

--

Florence A. Bergeron

Thursday, December 4, 2008

AUBURN - Florence A. Bergeron, 81, of 28 Bramblewood Road, Auburn, died Friday, Nov. 28, at the Hospice House of Androscoggin Home Care & Hospice.

She was born in Lewiston, on April 17, 1927, the daughter of Osias and Clara Maheux Beauregard. Raised in Lewiston, she married the love of her life, Henry E. Bergeron, 62 years ago on Aug. 17, 1946. Flo was one of those rare people who approached life and even death joyfully.

Before she became ill, she enjoyed bingo, shopping for clothes, and spending time with her husband. Throughout her life, and even after she got sick, she crafted beautiful things for those she loved from yarn and plastic canvas, leaving us tangible proof of how much we were loved. She enjoyed cards and playing computer games (especially Tri Peaks Solitaire on Pogo). Most of all she enjoyed spending time with her family.

Her cheery disposition, sense of humor and how she faced the challenge of new experiences will be missed. After she became ill and knew of the ultimate challenge that she was facing, her deep faith and the way that she continued to provide support to those around her was an inspiration to all she had contact with. As independent as she was, she let others care for her, and she cheerfully took that in stride. We will always be grateful that she allowed those around her to share her final journey.

She is survived by her husband, Henry of Auburn; five daughters, Lorraine Brown of Lewiston, Anita and husband, Ernest Asselin, of West Palm Beach, Fla., Linda and husband, Michael Cyr, of Auburn, Sonia Grondin and partner, Michael Hallett, of Lewiston and Tina Morin and partner, Rick Jones, of Winthrop; a brother, Adrien and wife, Geneva Beauregard, of Lewiston; 11 grandchildren, Lisa Hansen, Harry Williams Jr., Michelle Hinds, Matthew and Mark Mercier, Christopher and Angela Cyr, Kristen and Kari Grondin, and Andrew and Melanie Morin; and several great-grandchildren.

She was predeceased by three sisters, Marie Verreault, Jeannette Gielarowski and Mariange Smolinski; one brother, Robert Beauregard; and a granddaughter, Brenda Gould.

Her family would like to thank the staff at Hospice House, her nurse Kathleen, and her home health aide Lise. We would also like to acknowledge her special friend, Sue Tuttle.

I'm going to be a . . . . tour guide?

2008-12-04T21:11:00.002-05:00

So I have decided to apply to be a tour guide for Contiki this summer. I figured it will give me a chance to see parts of the US that I haven't seen yet, as well as give myself a break and some time to figure out what I really want to do. Who knows, maybe I'll find an amazing city and stick around after the summer's done, and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll go someplace new. Either way, I need a change.

Part of the application process requires us to put together a photo journal for the application, so I'm attaching mine below. Thoughts would be much appreciated :)

Cool Architecture of the Day

2008-12-03T14:37:00.000-05:00

The National Center For Performing Arts in Beijing, China.

It opened just in time for the 2008 Olympics.

What Happens When...

2008-11-27T23:55:00.000-05:00

So things are going along swimmingly with NavyBoy. Although we haven't spoken on the phone since Monday night, we have chatted over aim each night since then. So far he's great, but on aim, I don't feel like I capture his attention like I should be - he seems distant and not so interested. Maybe it's the internet - maybe it's me.

And then there's E. E happens to be the roommate of the guy I dated in college. My first love. Also a major distaster, but that's in the past. I never thought about E much, because I was crazy about his roommate. But he was always really sweet to me, even willingly giving up his bed and sleeping in another room if I wanted to stay over in their room. The guys always made fun of him, but that was how they all worked. They picked on him relentlessly, and I guess I never thought much beyond it. He drank, a lot that year. Still does, I think.

Lately, E has gotten into the habit of txt messaging me when he has been drinking. Usually late at night, just random, hey hunn, how are you? messages. It was nice to hear from him, and if I was awake, I would write back. Then the night of my cousin's bachelorette party, he started texting me. And me, having had a few drinks, started texting back. In a more, umm, forward, way. Maybe I was lonely, maybe I just wanted some attention for the time being. Somehow the messages turned into things from college. Eventually they turned into a conversation that went something like this:

hey you :-) what's up?

You are a beautiful girl... I kinda had a thing for you in college, in fact i've actually had a few dreams of you, one even in the past few months...

... and even though I'm kinda drunk now, I'd say that I still have a thing for you...

All these, in a way, sweet remarks.

Then one night it got more serious, less about the fake banter, and more along these lines:

If there's one thing about you that you're slf-conscious about, what is it?

I came back and said my body, because, well, it's true. Then I asked what he was self-conscious about.

That I'm not funny enough when I try to be. I sometimes have to kinda start the laughing, and people don't find me that funny.

Now is it just me, but I felt like he was opening up a bit to me?

It was good talking to you hunn, I'd love to see you again :) He wrote as we ended that particular conversation.

Over the past couple weeks, we have talked on the phone, mostly about a half hour to an hour and a half at a time, talking about the good old days in college, books, friends, the future, travelling. He's studying Dari (sp?) in Texas right now, in the Air Force, and will get stationed in Nebraska next spring. For three more years. Then he's done, and I think he can't wait to get back to New England, having grown up in Massachusetts.

So anyways, what spurred this post is he sent me a message wishing me a happy thanksgiving, and how did my day go, so I figured I'd call him and talk. He's in Texas, all alone, watching DVD's all day. So we talked for a good hour and a half. And he's so smart, and funny, and just alot more than I remembered him in college. And all of our conversations have been pushing me to this realization that he seemed to have had a front about him in college - the I'm an ass and I don't give a shit front. And that's not really who he is - he is nice. And he cares. And he asks me questions, and he talks. Which, he definitely didn't do alot of in college.

And even though I enjoy talking to NavyBoy, and he is an hour away, instead of 3,000 miles away, sometimes, I just want to talk to E.

Flightless Bird

2008-11-26T11:10:00.001-05:00

So I am loving this song by Iron and Wine: Flightless Bird, American Mouth.

And I Wonder Why I'm Still Single?

2008-11-25T09:49:00.003-05:00

So last night, my roommate Georgiana and I decided to have a little fun. We didn't have much going on, and moved our furniture out of the way, poured ourselves a glass [or two] of wine, and proceeded to have an 80's dance party in our living room. With cookies.

Perfect way to spend a Monday evening, right?

Until NavyBoy called. Right in the middle of Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go, and I had to cut the music and chat with him for a bit. Which all went splendid, I suppose, but I was gabbing a bit much. Then he sent me a message on AIM afterwards, and I responded. And then a little later on, I sent him another message. I thought he was leaving to do work, so I was scrolling through my old away messages and I came across one from a Contiki pal in Minnesota. I couldn't remember what it was about, so I posted is as my away message to read it for a second. Something along the lines of:

"from userxx: Hello, Luv. When are you coming out to see me! I miss you!" missing my contiki pals..."

So in those 10 seconds it took for me to read it, NavyBoy writes one more thing to me, triggering my stupid away message, and sending it to him.

Oh, is that a response from an old friend? He asked.

Oh, yea. I was trying to put up an away message and I got the wrong one. It's really old. I replied.

Ok.
I'll talk to you later. And he signed off.

Ok, looking at it this way, it doesn't seem so bad. But I haven't used AIM in ages, and I am so used to AIM and stupid conversations and things being taken the wrong way that I immediately was like SHIT SHIT SHIT! after he signed off.

And once again over-thinking things. No wonder I am still single!

Maybe it was the wine. And the sickly sweet stomach ache I had from the combination of wine and cookies and no dinner. Or the jumping around to 80's music for the better part of the evening [The Emperor: Be glad you weren't anywhere near the office.]

Wait For It...

2008-11-24T08:55:00.001-05:00

I thought about removing that post yesterday. You know, the one where I complain that he hasn't called? Yea, that one.

But then I decided to leave it, because we all have our moments...

But what I did realize is that he has a trait that I really like. One that I haven't found in many guys lately: Initiative.

Aside from the initial email where I got in touch with him [my profile isn't listed, so he wouldn't have found me], he has been the one to say let's talk, get to know each other. He has been the one to call, and he has been the one to initiate a get together, after Thanksgiving. And all I had to do was wait. [I squirmed, because I am like a little kid when it comes to waiting, bleh].

So waiting I shall try to do.... [I said try, I'm not perfect people]

So, like he called yesterday, he asked if I wanted to get together after the holiday.

Sounds good to me.

And the bonus? He's 6' tall. Which means I get to wear heels :)

Hmm.

2008-11-23T20:13:00.003-05:00

He didn't call yesterday. He didn't call today. No email. No text. I know, it's only been two days, but on Friday he said he really wanted to talk to me, and he'd call me on Saturday.

Why can't men just do what they said they were going to do?

It's not like I wasn't my adorably funny self on the phone.

The inner crazy did not come out - he has seen no evidence of that.

Why wouldn't he want to date me?

Someone please explain the workings of a man's mind to me.

Thanks.

--

Ed. Note: Not ten minutes after I posted this, I got a text message asking if I had time to talk. Yup, I'm crazy. Go figure...

Firsts.

2008-11-22T23:17:00.000-05:00

Today, I awoke to snow in my tiny little town. Windy and cold, the snowflakes dusted the streets.

Last night, I spoke with NavyBoy on the phone for an hour and a half. Nice, deep voice. Nice, warm personality. We talked about everything from his schooling to why he joined the Navy, to my future plans and my life here. We joked around and he made me laugh. He asked to call me again this weekend. I said definitely.

Last night, I was proposed to by Ozan, the boy from Turkey , who went to the Flogging Molly concert with me back in September. He was talking to Georgiana on Skype when I came downstairs. We exchanged pleasantries, then he said, "Lpeg, will you marry me?" I paused, and he said, "I am serious." - He needs a green card. But hey, I would be hard pressed to give you a good reason why I shouldn't. He's a hell of a guy with a really good heart.

I tried a new Thai place tonight. It wasn't as good as the place I went to with Mom last weekend, but it wasn't bad. I suppose I could try a few other things on the menu before I dismiss the place. Any suggestions?

Having awoken to snow this morning, I decided to shower and take off to the coffee shop with my book. Georgiana called shortly after I got there and needed help with some baking for her job at the inn, so I headed over and helped her bake cookies and check people in for the afternoon. I always wanted to run my own inn - it was pretty fun.

And there you have it. A pretty darn good Saturday :)

Fantastic News.

2008-11-21T14:11:00.001-05:00

It is just a little scar tissue!

Lil Sis called a little while ago and let me know that the doctor has absolutely no concerns that it is anything more than a little scar tissue from surgery she had about twenty years ago.

--
Ed. note: I just want to say thank you to all of your kind and calming comments throughout the past couple of weeks. They really meant a lot.

Twilight: The Lost Script

2008-11-21T09:52:00.000-05:00

So I was perusing MSN today and came across this. If you like Twilight, or even if you don't - read it. It's quite an amusing jab at the movie.

BELLA: So did you do the chemistry homework?

EDWARD: Like, 100 years ago.

BELLA: No, seriously. Quit making jokes about our age difference. I have to do my homework before I go home and cook my dad his dinner.

EDWARD: You are a magnificent flower and the sweet cherry atop my life's sundae. Marry me and your life will be distilled bliss, for I do not eat food that requires cooking, and I am rich enough that your chemistry grade matters not a whit.

BELLA: Um, let's not talk about what you eat.

EDWARD: Your wish is my command, fragrant blossom.

BELLA: I don't understand how you can say that. I'm just a plain, awkward girl who needs to strap herself to the commode so she doesn't fall off. Accident-prone is my middle name.

EDWARD: I will sneak into your bathroom and offer my steady, marble-like arms as your supports. No harm shall come to you, my pet.

BELLA: OK, but you have to be really quiet about it and stuff, because my dad is, like, the police chief and even though he can't cook his own dinner, he will totally OWN your undead badonkadonk if he catches you.

EDWARD: (Laughs) Did you just see that? I sprinted to the end of these mossy rocks and back in less time than you took to say badonkadonk.

BELLA: Kiss me unchastely, you sexy beast.

EDWARD: Let's do your chemistry first, and then we shall go for a ride in my Volvo.

BELLA: See? I am ugly. My vampire boyfriend doesn't even want to neck.

- - -

LAURENT: Hey, did anyone lose a baseball? We found one about ten kilometers back.

JAMES: And we'll totally trade it for that klutzy-looking brunette standing behind home plate. Hello. Anyone?

VICTORIA: Told you they wouldn't go for it, James. They're obviously having too much fun playing with their food.

LAURENT: You mean you're not planning to eat the human later?

JAMES: You're crazy! Have you smelled her? I would totally eat that!

VICTORIA: James, I'm standing RIGHT HERE.

JAMES: What if we ate her together?

VICTORIA: I could go for that.

LAURENT: Oh, you two... How is it that I am the only single vampire here? Everyone's seen my abs, right?

- - -

ROSALIE HALE: Ugh. There she is, that human brat Bella, with her scent that my fake brother Edward finds so darned irresistible. She will be the death of us all with her clumsy ways and noisy, American-made truck. Why can't she find herself a nice, human boyfriend? There are certainly a horde of stinky ones gathering around her, like flies to honey. Where is my Emmett? I must go to him so we can kill a wild animal together and drink of its blood. If I still ate, that silly human would make me want to puke.

- - -

EDWARD: Oh my God! What happened to your ears! Did someone hurt you, my love?

BELLA: What? I can't hear you. I'm wearing my earbuds and rocking out. Have I told you today that you are gorgeous? Your torso looks like it's carved from marble. Who cares that your skin's so cold I have to wear a blanket when we snuggle? You're yummy!

EDWARD: OK, if you can't hear me, then I will whisper the words I've longed to utter for a century. I love you. Love, love, love, kissy, kissy.

BELLA: Um, Edward, I was just kidding. I can still hear you when I have my earbuds on.

EDWARD: I meant every word of it. You are the sweet love of my life. My nostrils flare to embrace your intoxicating scent.

BELLA: Do you have any Tic Tacs? I feel like I should, I don't know, eat a breath mint or something. We're going to kiss soon, right?

EDWARD: I fear my passions will overwhelm me. Let us just hold hands and take another ride in my swift, swift Volvo.

BELLA: Can't hear you. Earbuds.

- - -

EDWARD: Yes, this is a vintage Members Only jacket. You know how you weren't born yet in the '80s, Bella? I was. In fact, I was an 80-year-old man trapped in the body of a 17-year-old vampire. I wear this ensemble without irony. What'd you say? You asked if was I in high school then, too? Indeed I was. I am repeating high school because when you're as good looking as I am, high school is fun. It's amazing to me how people in Forks haven't noticed. No, Bella. No, of course not, my pet! Of course you're the first girl in my life I've ever kissed. Yes, you're pretty. Bella! BELLA! Come back!

- - -

BELLA: I like this jacket a lot better.

EDWARD: I will burn the other and sprinkle the ashes in the four corners of the Earth, so that it never offends you again.

BELLA: You're amazing.

EDWARD: You're amazing.

BELLA: No, you are.

EDWARD: I said it first.

BELLA: No, actually, I did. Just look at the transcript.

EDWARD: You're right, my alabaster fairy. Would you mind scooting away from the waterfall? You're making me nervous.

BELLA: So are you saying I'm clumsy? I knew it. You couldn't possibly love me. You are like a god and I am an adolescent head case.

EDWARD: Shh, love. Don't talk. Let me carry you on my back as though you were either a toddler or a sack of potatoes. Then we will ride in my Volvo and not engage in any carnal activities whatsoever.

BELLA: You're amazing.

EDWARD: No, you are. (Repeat...)

- - -

JAMES: OK, see, when I force you into the light? Your skin is definitely sparkly.

EDWARD: Oh, and you are laboring under the illusion that you yourself do not glisten like little girl's toy pony?

JAMES: I'm nowhere near as sparkly as you, you prig. Look at my hands. I haven't washed in weeks. It definitely tones down the gleam.

EDWARD: I can't really see your hands, not when they are wrapped around my windpipe. Do you mind releasing me a moment, so I can more fully appreciate your skin-care technique?

JAMES: Not a bit. Check it, dude. Pure filth. It masks my scent so when I am tracking humans, like your delicious girlfriend, all they smell is 100 percent animal stink.

EDWARD: Psyche! I will now slam your body into this mirror with total disregard for the fact that breaking it will cause me seven years of bad luck which will start immediately in the sequel to "Twilight."

JAMES: Sequel?

EDWARD: Yes, you moron. Even though there are people who travel to rinky-dink Forks to see Bella's house and purchase uniforms worn by the local cheerleaders, we are all as fake as Nigerian banking chain letters.

JAMES: My life has no meaning. Slam me into the mirror, please.

- - -

EDWARD: I will now use my superhuman strength to slam you against the mirror!

JAMES: Oh, the pain! I love it almost as much as I want to drink your girlfriend's blood! But for now I will satisfy my urges by breathing my undead breath all over your pretty face! Do you smell that, loverboy? It is the blood of a human being I just ate as a snack! HAAAAAAHHHH!

EDWARD: It's not working. For you see, I do not actually need to breathe, and if I do not breathe, I cannot be troubled by your odiferous oral issue.

JAMES: Nobody likes a smarty pants.

EDWARD: And nobody likes a vampire who doesn't floss. You should see the condition of your molars, you dastardly cur.

JAMES: Are they really that bad?

EDWARD: Well, I'd stay away from taffy and from people with really thick necks. You never know what's going to happen.

JAMES: Thanks, dude.

EDWARD: Now, die! For the sake of true love, die!

JAMES: At this point, I'd love nothing better.

- - -

ALICE: I predict Bella is NOT going to like this picture.

JASPER: Yeah, baby. Edward's hair is totally weird in it. And his posture is definitely less than godlike. But I will use my mind powers to calm her down.

BELLA: I know Edward means well, but when he holds my hands behind my back like this, I sort of feel like I'm being arrested and being arrested reminds me of my dad, and when I'm standing right next to my boyfriend, I don't really want to be thinking about my dad and handcuffs, you know? It just doesn't feel right.

EDWARD: She is so wobbly! If I weren't holding her like this, she would fall over. Do you think she has an undiagnosed inner ear infection? Carlisle could prescribe some antibiotics. I will ask him to do so immediately. Otherwise, Bella might die and then the rest of my immortality would be a prison of sorrows.

ROSALIE: I wonder if Bella knows that her brown jacket isn't all that flattering. It makes me angrier than my perpetually empty womb to look at her.

EMMETT: Rosalie saved me from death by a bear. Is there anything hotter? Man, I've got to get her into the woods again soon.

(Summit Entertainment)

Twilight Movie Review

2008-11-21T00:38:00.000-05:00

This was inevitable. Warning, movie SPOILERS ahead!

*****

Ok, so tonight Nate did a late showing of Twilight, which is now technically open along the East Coast.

Going into the movie, I understood [due to previous reviews] that the movie was overall great, but the special effects needed some work [which, hopefully, if there is a sequel, it is something they can work on].

That being said - I didn't realize, not being in film really, that when a girl asked Catherine Hardwicke why she directed it more in documentary style as opposed to more typical camera styles that Hollywood blockbusters use, she said it was to make it feel more intimate.

Now I really like Kristen Stewart. I especially liked the movie Speak. If any of you haven't seen it, you can actually view it on YouTube in ten minute segments. Great movie about a girl who is raped and then starts her freshman year of high school, hated for ruining a party...

But I digress. If you watch Speak, it has a very intimate feeling to it, like you're really getting into her head, and it's like Catherine said - documentary like - from the main character's point of view.

This is how Twilight was done, and I think it really worked nicely. In the beginning of the novels, Stephenie Meyer writes the prologue, and in the movie, Bella does an overvoice of that prologue, and throughout the movie there are little voiceovers, which I think work very nicely, and really put you into Bella's shoes.

The parts I did have an issue with were, as I knew going in - the special effects. Most of them were okay, but when Edward was running through the forest, with Bella on his back? It was like his torso was in standstill and they were fast-forwarding his leg movements - it was totally fake and awkward. When we see James coming after them, you really only get a view of his torso, no legs, and yet you still get the feeling that he was moving very quickly.

Also - when people jump, their body usually moves in the form of an arc. Not really a straight up, over, then straight down kind of arc, but a half circle kind of arc. I found that the wirework in the movie was too horizontal, it needed a little more of an arc to make the 'jump' look real - because we all know that the vampires don't fly, but they can certainly jump very far.

When I brought this up, Nate just laughed at me. Having not read the books he asked me, "So, after all of this, the arc of their jumps is what bothers you? Not the super speed, or the blood sucking, or the VAMPIRE part??"

And I said, "No, because that is the world that Stephenie Meyer created. She told us what was not human about them. But it is just weird, when you know that when someone jumps, it's in the shape of an arc, not up, then across, then back down again, in the shape of a box."

The only other trouble I had with the film is that while I really liked Kristen Stewart's performance, I felt, for me, it was hard to believe her when she was stating that she couldn't live without Edward. I didn't feel like I really saw the connection on her end - like there wasn't enough in the film before - maybe because in the books it's in her POV, and she talks about him SOOO much - but it just seemed... fake, when she said that, because I didn't believe it yet. Nate, on the other hand, found that it was convincing. So maybe, maybe that was just me.

Georgiana has been dying to see this movie, so I'll go see it again with her tomorrow night. I'll let you know if I've changed my opinion the second time through.

Definitely worth seeing, just remember that it's not a blockbuster movie, and has the feel of a cult fan film, but in a great way.

Let me know what you guys think once you've seen it!

Drumroll Please...

2008-11-20T17:50:00.002-05:00

So today, dear readers, I am introducing a new character into the world of Lpeg: NavyBoy.

A few years ago, I joined match shortly after New Years, and talked with a few people. One of these eventually became a good friend, J . The other one, I lost touch with mid-February. We had spoken on the phone and emailed quite a bit, and he made a decent impression. But with 90 hour work weeks and my interest in someone local, we lost communication.

Fast forward to last month, when I signed up for a 3-day free match trial. I saw a profile of a guy that sounded good, so I signed up, emailed him with my personal email address, and when I didn't hear anything by the end of the 3-day trial, I assumed either a.) he was uninterested or b.) he didn't pay for match, therefore he couldn't read my message.

Since then, I had turned my profile off from being visible to the public, but never 'closed' my account. So every couple of days since then I have been receiving 'Your weekly matches, from match.com. He's out there, Lpeg'

Right. Well, Tuesday morning came around, and as usual, I scanned the email and was about to delete it when I saw a picture that caught my eye: The Roommate. Laying on his bed, eyes half closed, fly - unzipped. Yes, you read that right - unzipped.

I started laughing hysterically. When I was done, I glanced at the picture of the guy next to him. He looked awfully familiar. I looked at his screen name - yup, I definitely remembered him. I clicked on his profile, an even cuter picture was up from before, and I thought what the hell. I wasn't paying for match, nor was I during a free trial, but I did still have his contact info from back when we last talked, stored in gmail [gotta love the internet].

So I emailed him, saying I wasn't sure if he remembered me, but if he was interested in talking again, to let me know.

A few hours later, he responded, with an affirmative - yes, he remembered me, and yes, he'd love to get to know me better.

Needless to say, there have been a few emails so far, great emails - from first glance he's kind, honest, sincere - and he asked me what was better - to be a dork or to be cool. [well from the things you guys have read here, you must know that I'm a bit of a dork by now, and know how I responded to that one!]

So the basics: He's 25, from the mid-west, and is currently in the Navy. He likes to travel and wants to live in Europe some day.
--
So welcome, NavyBoy. I hope you stick around for awhile :)

I'm running out of things to blog about...

2008-11-19T16:24:00.000-05:00

. . . or maybe I just don't want to put my fear into words.

My mother has a doctor's appointment on Friday at 12:45. She is having an ultra sound and possibly a biopsy. She won't let Lil Sis or my dad go with her. And I am an hour and a half away. I fear that it could be bad, with all the news of people here having their loved ones diagnosed with cancer

--

I don't know what I truly want to do with my life. I'm scared to make a change, and I'm scared that things will never change.

--

In good news? Nate is opening up the theater tomorrow night for a special screening of Twilight :)

News.

2008-11-18T10:59:00.001-05:00

Today, as I came into work and opened up MSN, I came across the headlines:

Legacy Of Jonestown, 30 Years Later.

I clicked on the article, unaware of this Jonestown, as it happened 5 years before I was born, and read about the atrocities that happened on November 18, 1978.

You can find more information here , at Wikipedia, although I'm not sure it's truly accurate, but it gives a long description of it all.

I just can't fathom what Jim Jones was thinking. Truly. And from what I read about his ideals in the beginning, they were great ideas. Ideas which I can see why so many people followed him. But then he turned, and all those people were killed...

--

In other news, Daily Mail is reporting that the Pregnant Man, Thomas Beatie, is pregnant again, after giving birth to his daughter in June. Read the article - it's interesting.

Just a little food for thought. Hope everyone has a happy Tuesday [and I hope I totally didn't bum you all out with the Jonestown story - now I know why my coworkers don't like to read the news...]

ps. I totally wish I had known about Blog Secret Day before yesterday! I would've done it!!

Gotta Love...

2008-11-17T13:39:00.003-05:00

. . . getting MySpace requests in your email inbox,

. . . regarding the first few as spam,

. . . and then realizing that your ex boyfriend of 2, yes two, years [of whom you set up his myspace account] has not changed the notifications email on his account.

. . . Therefore, those 'Beth has tagged you in 5 photos' emails are not, in fact, spam.

Say What?

2008-11-16T20:20:00.000-05:00

Cabbage Patch kids were designed to look like mutated spawn after a nuclear war?

Read this.

Ok, so it's not true, but definitely interesting...

We're all a little weird...

2008-11-15T22:53:00.002-05:00

Tonight at dinner, I realized all of the nutty things my family says. And from now on, I'm going to start writing them down. For now, here are my most memorable:

Lil Sis [who is a nurse]: If I ever have to walk around with a bag of shit, shoot me now!

Feliz navidat is playing on the radio. Dad sings: Feliz ma-pi-tat... yup - don't ask me why...

When anyone says De-ja-vu, Dad has to come back with, vu-ja-de!

Dad: What's in the box? [checking out a box I'm carrying]
Mom: Condoms! [she's kidding]
Dad: Why? We WANT to have grandkids!

Mom: I think the worst part if I get cancer is losing my hair...
Lil Sis: Then you'll look like uncle Dave!! [not a compliment...]

Money Money Money

2008-11-14T13:45:00.002-05:00

I work all night, I work all day, to pay the bills I have to pay -
Ain't it sad.
And still there never seems to be a single penny left for me -
That's too bad.
--

So I've got a little problem with money. I can't seem to hold onto it for the life of me.

When I have some, I get so stoked that I actually have money, that I go out and spend what little I do have. I think part of it is that I'm always broke [having to work 2 jobs just to pay the bills], and so I get a little over excited when I have a few dollars I can really spend on myself.

So, last week, when I got a shock of being barely able to pay all my bills, I freaked. My temporary roommate, G, gave me a hundred dollars for crashing on my couch, and with that I went grocery shopping [something my refrigerator has not seen in months].

I bought enough for the next two weeks [because no more income until then], and all this week I have not gone out to lunch or dinner ONCE!!! I am SO proud of myself [ok, I know, I sound pathetic, but seriously guys, this is huge]. I normally eat out at least once a day, if not for the two meals I eat, plus coffee and snacks and other miscellaneous items I pick up while I'm out...

So that is my goal for next week, to be as good on my spending [I think I may have spent $20 this week on coffee, more milk, gas, etc].

All I know is that I need to get my finances under control, and the best way to start is small!

--
All the things I could do, if I had a little money - It's a rich man's world.
Money, money, money....
~ABBA

Love & Labels

2008-11-13T22:04:00.000-05:00

Tonight I made dinner, poured myself a glass of wine, and indulged myself in Sex And The City . I never watched it while it was on television, but fell in love with the movie.

Carrie started the movie with this line,

Year after year, twenty-something women come to New York in search of the two 'L's: Labels & Love. Twenty years ago, I was one of them. Having got the knack for labels early... I concentrated on Love.

I think I've got to watch the whole series now...

It's Almost Time...

2008-11-12T20:13:00.002-05:00

In case you haven't heard, Twilight is coming out next Friday.

If you have no idea what the hype is about, I suggest you read the books .

They're fantastic!!

John Williams is the Man!

2008-11-11T14:54:00.001-05:00

I saw this on MSN.com this morning, as the video of the day...

This guy is hilarious.

Distract Me.

2008-11-10T08:48:00.001-05:00

When I got home last night, I cleaned up my room from Saturday's attempts to clean out my closet, listening to a book on cd which would take my concentration off of the news my mom told me.

And this morning? Continuing with that book on cd... or else I keep thinking about it.

Can't I just make it go away? Distract me, please.

I've Never Been Truly Brave

2008-11-09T23:05:00.001-05:00

As I drove back from my parents house tonight, my eyes cautiously scanning the highway for any stray deer and moose, my eyes pricked with tears, and my tears stung my cheeks that had not yet dried from the previous tears.

Over and over in my head was the conversation I had had with my mom that morning.

I just wanted to let you know that they found a lump in my right breast. I froze, only hearing snippets of the rest of what she had to say. Things like ct scan and biopsy and in three weeks I'll know.

My mother? A lump? How the hell did that happen? How is that possible? It doesn't run in our family, and her mother is perfectly healthy. She's only 50...

The tears stung my eye while she finished telling me that she has an appointment in three weeks, and they'll know a little more then. For now, we wait.

And then she proceeded to turn my attention elsewhere, and for a few hours I was able to forget about the news she gave me. We shopped for purses and sunglasses, hats and scarves.

On the drive home, it was quiet, and I had a moment to think, to reflect on the conversation that morning. Luckily she had fallen asleep while I was driving, so she didn't notice my tears. This happened the whole two hours back to my parents house, tears coming and going - if she woke up, I pulled myself together and the conversation distracted me until she fell asleep and I was left to my thoughts again.

By the time I got back to my parents house and prepared myself to drive the hour and a half home, I couldn't keep it together. I came out of the bathroom crying, trying hard to dry my eyes, but she could tell. I hugged her as hard as I could and she tried to soothe me, saying we shouldn't worry until we know. She's right, but still.

Don't worry, she told me, I didn't tell you to make you worry, I just wanted you to know. If you worry, then you'll make me worry more, and I'm just trying not to think about it until we know.

But I am still worried. I'm terrified. How can I not be?

You know you spend too much time drafting on the computer when....

2008-11-08T11:30:00.002-05:00

... you are rearranging your bedroom, don't like it, and the first thought that comes to mind is that you want to hit 'Ctrl Z' to undo it.
And are really disappointed when you realize that won't work...

Dig Deep.

2008-11-07T00:14:00.001-05:00

As I sat in my therapist's office this morning, I started to ramble incoherently. I muttered something about work, about my roommate, about my friend staying with me, about the weather. For a good half hour, I rambled on.

How are you feeling now that you only have one job? She asked me.

Ok, I suppose. I actually stated last night that I was bored. I can't believe it, because I'm not. I was just bored at the moment. But the fact that those words came out of my mouth... I shouldn't be bored.

I also told her about my verbal incoherence lately. About how whenever I speak on the phone with someone at work, I end up spitting out sentences that have me thinking 'what the hell am I saying?' While I'm saying them.

How long has this been happening?

A couple weeks, since my second job ended. I feel more on my game when I'm busy, when I don't have down time, no time to sit and think, and realize. Realize how shitty things are... It's like you forget how tired you are until you take a breather. And I'm tired.

And how are your plans for New York? She asked.

Umm... well, I suppose I'm just waiting. Waiting till the right time, waiting to save up, waiting to... well, just waiting. I replied.

What is holding you back? What is that thought in the back of your head when you think of moving?

I can't afford it, I blurted out before I even thought of it.

And if you can't afford it, what are you subconsciously telling yourself?

That it won't happen? I asked feebly.

Yes. Thinking that it's impossible. Is that possibly why you haven't talked about it lately? Why things have slowed down on that front? Are you giving up? And she asked this in a way so that I might acknowledge it, not as judgement.

She continued, When you think this way, it completely affects your body. And do you think this might be why you feel so 'incoherent' lately? You've given up? You're body is assuming the fight is over - you're not moving - and it's sluggish, disappointed, uninterested...

I think she's got a point. Then I asked her about dance lessons. Maybe I won't feel this way if I can make my mind a little better. Time for some release.

Art Is Dead

2008-11-06T08:40:00.002-05:00

I just wanted to make mention of my college roommate, who has been doing spectacular things since graduating, including becoming a fantastic artist [with gallery openings and all!] as well as starting to write a book, Art Is Dead, a college professor, and an architect, all at the same time [yes, he is amazing].

So on that note, hop on over and explore his blog. He's got some pretty insightful thoughts on art.

Obama's Acceptance Speech

2008-11-05T12:46:00.002-05:00

Part I

Part II

Nicely done. It was a beautiful speech.

Rock The Vote!

2008-11-04T18:08:00.000-05:00

So I voted for Obama.... we shall see what tonight reveals!

You Might Be A Redneck....

2008-11-03T13:35:00.003-05:00

... if you paint your political candidate on an 275 gallon oil tank.

... if you took that oil tank, placed it in a tractor, and hauled it onto your neighbor's front lawn.... for more exposure.

... if upon discovering aforementioned political signage tipped over, you upright it and barrel it into the ground with your tractor...

You might be a redneck.

The Vote.

2008-11-03T08:33:00.003-05:00

I need to do some research on who I am going to vote for.

I have a pretty good idea, but I need some more information before I am 100% ready to vote.

Who are you going to vote for? And why?

NaBloPoMo

2008-11-02T08:36:00.000-05:00

This NaBloPoMo is going to be harder than I thought.

Goodluck, and Happy November everyone!

rabbit rabit [for goodluck!]

The Time Warp

2008-11-01T08:30:00.002-04:00

Well, Halloween was a blast. We trick-or-treated with The Emperor's boys, who were dressed up as a Scary and a Cute skeleton, and then we headed down to Fort Knox for Fright night at the Fort, in which, I am ashamed to admit, I was the first to scream! After that we checked out the Rocky Horror Picture Show showing at The Alamo Theater in Bucksport.

What is the point of that movie? Seriously? And I do not have any desire to ever see it again...

Someone want to explain?

What I Miss About College.... Kind of...

2008-10-31T12:59:00.000-04:00

Every Halloween our college hosted a Halloween Parade instead of the typical Friday afternoon Parade. Thought you guys might get a kick out of the Corps kids dressed up :)

Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T09:22:00.001-04:00

While Halloween is generally my favorite day of the year, I can never go without thinking about one particular man.

Tut, as he was commonly referred to, was my father's father. I've been told he was the life of the party, and the kindest, most loving man one would ever meet. On Oct 31, 1980, Halloween morning, he passed away of a heart attack, just 28 days before my parents were to get married. They had wanted to postpone the wedding, but my grandmother convinced them not to. They said it was a very sad and happy day. Even though I've never met him, I'm told that my father is just like him, and so I can believe anything they say about his kind heart. My dad even looks just like him.

One of the most prominent things I've heard is that he weighed in Muhammad Ali when he fought Sonny Liston on May 25, 1965, in one of the most controversial boxing matches ever.

In any case, I was thinking about him this morning, wishing I could've met this remarkable and kind hearted man that touched the lives of everyone he met.

Happy Halloween :)

Why This Weekend Kicked Ass.

2008-10-28T09:00:00.000-04:00

Lil Sis turned 23
We partied it up in Boston
Mum bought us all tickets to see the Blue Man Group
Dinner at the Cheesecake Factory with D, my favorite college roommate
Headed over to The Bell In Hand, where we listened to a crappy band and I proceeded to watch Lil Sis get as drunk as I've seen her in a long time
Headed back to the hotel - Lil Sis decided that she'd unroll her window and throw up while I was driving... needless to say it got all over my door [inside and out - thanks, Sis]
Pit stop in Portsmouth on Sunday afternoon for a little Flatbread pizza and a nice walk through town

Yea. A great weekend.

I think the funniest part was when we got back to the hotel with her friend, Em. They had both moved to the backseat, and in order to park my car, I needed them to both get out because it was really tight parking.

Em wakes Lil Sis up and gets her out of the car, and she walks around to the passenger side, opens the door, and sits down. I'm thinking she just wants her camera case, but no - she gets all the way in, closes the door, rolls down the window [it was raining...] and resumes her previous position in which she threw up on my car.

I started laughing, and trying to wake her up enough to tell her we were at the hotel, and she needed to get out of the car, but that didn't work. So Em finally came around the other side and looked at Lil Sis, then at me, and said, What is she doing?

Needless to say, we finally got her back out of the car and into the hotel room, where I had to find her already under the covers, fully clothed, and get her changed, and her hair up incase of later upchucks.

And I got some great footage.

I'm totally loving the video button on digital cameras :)

Facebook Status.

2008-10-23T12:23:00.002-04:00

Lpeg is trying to drown out her bitterness and frustration with some Muse!a moment ago

I've been so bitter all day... arghhh!

5 p.m. can't come soon enough. I'm going to hurt someone...

Nicknames.

2008-10-23T00:00:00.002-04:00

Nate came along as my date to my Aunt's wedding a few weeks ago. We had a blast - dancing, laughing, and just enjoying each other's company. He's become a great friend. And my family loved him. They made fun of me, and he joined right in.

It's all good.

So we're having a great time, all sweaty, dancing like crazy. In the last twenty minutes of the evening, Nate crouches down on the ground for some dance move, and all of a sudden, his eyes pop out of his head.

He looks at me and whispers in my ear, I think I'm going to sit this one out...

I give him a questioning look, wondering why, all of a sudden, he felt the need to sit down.

I just split my pants! He laughed in my ear, and turned around to show me.

He literally had split his pants!

So he sat for the remaining twenty or so minutes, and as we were leaving, I had the urge to share it with my loudmouth cousin, whom announced it to everyone in the vicinity. It was all in good fun, and Nate was a great sport. We all laughed with him, and then he just started showing people.

So we headed out and went to meet up at a restaurant to hang out with our cousins before they headed back to Connecticut. The restaurant in which Nate asks the hostess for her stapler, and heads to the bathroom to staple his pants shut.

Now, my dad is a man for nicknames for the boys in our lives. There's been PeeWee Herman, TikTok, Big Ben, The Pisser, Dufflebag, and a few others that I can't think of at the moment. None of these boys know their nicknames, as they were not in my father's presence when he made them up. Nor should they necessarily know about them, because some are rather embarrassing.

But Staples. Well... he knows how he got his nickname, and he knows he has it.

At least he was there to laugh about it.

Happy Birthday Nate!

Hello, It's Me.

2008-10-22T08:51:00.004-04:00

Looking back through my archives, I noted it's been awhile since I've written a heartfelt post. One about how I am, what I am doing, my non-existent love life. I've had lots of filler posts, posts about random funny things, but nothing seriously. Nothing real.

Well, I'm okay. For now. I'm surviving. Well, more than surviving. My second job finished up last week, so this is my first week off without a second job to go to. I've got a few babysitting gigs lined up to help with a bit of extra money, but other than that I have been lounging around, in my PJ's, with my new and temporary roommate, G. [She's totally cool - she's from Romania].

I haven't quite finished catching up on my Tivo, but it's on my to-do list. So wasn't cleaning up the living area, which we did last night, and getting groceries [last night too]. I also am going out with a guy my friends at the grocery store are trying to set me up with. He's a bit too old for me, but he seems nice, and for now it's just friendly conversation [similar career fields]. Aside from him, there have really been no prospects. I signed up for Match a few weeks ago, in which I ended up doing the free 3-day trial, and sent one boy a message after he winked at me, but he never wrote back - possibly meaning he wasn't interested? Or he didn't have an account to view my message? And then thenextfish suggested I try OkCupid. So I did. Nothing too exciting there, either. So no more internet dating for me.

I also ended up taking the Production Design course, and have realized that I really want to go into film. So I've decided that the best move for me, right now, is to move to New York, work as a temp for an architectural agency, and try like hell to get as many PA jobs as possible. Work my way up, join the union, work as an Art Director, and possibly a Production Designer. I've also got some friends who just graduated from the NY Film Academy, so I'm hoping they'll hook me up with some students who need a PD for their movies. Free work, but great for the portfolio.

So yes, the next step is to find an apartment in NY, and figure out an exact moving date [which must be coordinated here, at the office - lots of shit. I'll get into it after I leave].

Anyone have any suggestions for decent neighborhoods in Brooklyn? I'd move to Manhattan, but I'll be working in film... so I won't be able to afford that kind of rent. Or do you know of any nice people looking for a new roommate?

In other news, it's Lil Sis ' birthday on Sunday [A Happy 23rd to you!] in which I'm taking her to Boston [mum paid for a very fun weekend] with myself and her friends, and it's also Staples' [it's Nate , and I'll explain the nickname soon - it's hilarious!] birthday tomorrow. I'm making him apple crumb pie, with ice cream and wine once he gets out of work tonight!

Lost & Found

2008-10-21T09:50:00.000-04:00

I found this old girl last night. I hope we can find her owner. She's the sweetest thing though - that's all she's done since last night. All she wants is to lie there and be petted.

Being An Architect(ural Designer) Has It's Rewards

2008-10-02T00:01:00.000-04:00

My first house was finished last November, and we finally had a professional photographer take some photos last month [which I also got to help as a photographer's assistant]. Thought you all might want a sneak peak!

New Living Room

Renovated Dining Room with New Screened Porch

New Wet Bar

New Master Bath

Master Bedroom Balcony [with a view of the ocean]

Front Elevation

Back Porch [yes, that blue is the ocean]

[all photographs are copyrighted - if you're interested, shoot me an email and I'll give you his name]

Fall Is Here

2008-10-01T09:58:00.000-04:00

Fall is finally here, and this small town turns into something beautiful during those few precious months. My heart aches to think that I may not be here next fall.

It's a rainy day today, and while the hazy sky seems to darken the earth, the leaves seem to be bursting with color. The days are getting shorter, with dusk coming just after dinner, and the cold fronts are more frequent, but lovely. Hats, scarves and mittens will shortly become a thing of necessity, and the morning frosts will require car owners to start their cars early, or pull out the scrapers. You can see your breath in the air on a daily basis.

And it is October the First, which means that Halloween is right around the corner!

What Am I Thinking?

2008-09-30T11:25:00.000-04:00

I'm debating about trying match.com again. I know I want to leave, but it could be fun to have a little fun before I go?

A Double Scoop of Whaa??

2008-09-26T09:50:00.000-04:00

PETA proposed on Tuesday that instead of Ben & Jerry's to use cow's milk for their ice cream products, they should use breast milk... Full article here. Can we say... gross??? [By the way, I went to school in Vermont - 20 minutes from their factory, so if you have no idea what Ben & Jerry's is... go get yourself a pint! Possibly the world's greatest ice cream!!]

We Are Family

2008-09-26T00:13:00.000-04:00

My aunt got married a few weeks ago. As the second wedding for both of them [the met on eHarmony.com], they decided that no one really wanted to watch them slow dance for their first dance. Therefore, they choreographed a 4-minute dance to 'Let's Groove Tonight'. With Motor Booty Affair as the band, and my new uncle dressed up in a powder-blue tuxedo and black afro wig, they danced.

Enjoy.

The Place To Be

2008-09-25T10:21:00.001-04:00

DownEast Magazine had an article in this month's publication which gave the scoop on Maine's Best Street to Trick or Treat. And that is, in fact, in Camden. The Emperor introduced me to Pearl Street last year, inviting me to join them while they took Batman and Superman trick-or-treating. The street was filled with hundreds of kids, dressed up and trick-or-treating up and down the entire street, which was also decorated to the nines. [click on the image to read the article]

Now, I don't know about any of you, but my childhood trick-or-treating was NOT like this. This is just way cool.

Production Design

2008-09-24T09:32:00.001-04:00

So I think I've finally figured that I have enough money to take this Production Design Course offered at the Workshops [read the link for a description of Production Design] on October 5th, and taught by Wynn Thomas. He's worked on some great films, such as Get Smart, Breach, Inside Man, Cinderella Man, Analyze This and Analyze That, and A Beautiful Mind, to name a few.

But here's some inspiration. I Love the sets...

Pushing Daisies on NBC

Sweeney Todd

Penelope

Mr. Tumnus' house in Narnia

Ice Age & New Age

2008-09-23T09:10:00.005-04:00

I was checking out today's headlines on msn.com, and came across this article, on the Ice Age geology that was found underneath the WTC dig site.

Realizing that I haven't really checked out the completed design of the WTC [I kept up with the designs in college, but never saw the final scheme], I headed over there and found this image.

Here is the blurb on what it means:

"The World Trade Center (WTC) Memorial design, Reflecting Absence [check out the link - more photos], will consist of two voids on the footprints of the original Twin Towers. Surrounded by a landscaped plaza filled with oak trees, each void will feature rings of cascading water falling into illuminated reflecting pools. The names of the 2,979 who perished in the September 11th attacks in New York City, Washington, DC; and Pennsylvania and the February 1993 WTC bombing will be inscribed around the edge of the memorial waterfalls.
Reflecting Absence was created by architect Michael Arad and landscape architect Peter Walker and selected from a design competition that drew more than 5,200 entrants from 63 nations."

What do you think? Do you like it? Why? I'll comment in a few days :)

Still Sour.

2008-09-16T17:06:00.004-04:00

Something about the term 'laid-off' leaves a sour taste in my mouth. As it does for everyone who has ever heard that term to refer to their job.

There's a woman upstairs who works in the accounting department whom is constantly raving about my boss' heart and goodness, and he really cares, you just don't see it. Well, we hardly ever see it. If he really cared that much, then why would you still go on vacation while you laid your employees off for three weeks. Think they need a break? Well, I'm sorry, Mr Boss, but the rest of us are pretty much living paycheck to paycheck. And for the woman upstairs to constantly be defending him is seriously starting to PISS. ME. OFF.

You reap what you sow, buddy. Now you have some pissed off employees to deal with. Actually, make that two. Since half of us quit already.

--

On a side note.... this is my 300th post!!

Twilight Spoof

2008-09-16T09:26:00.004-04:00

Has anyone read the 'Twilight' series? I was on IMDB this morning and came across this spoof trailer. It's hilarious.

Weekend Update

2008-09-15T10:55:00.003-04:00

The next time that I buy concert tickets for a venue that is in a night club, please remind me that I am too old to be going to concerts where mosh pits and sweaty teenage boys make up the majority, and men who are much too old to be enjoying the 'club' experience are leering at pretty girls.

Yup. That was the Flogging Molly concert at The Asylum on Friday night. Granted, I love the band, but I definitely prefer the bar scene where you sit and have a pint and relax with some great music. The opening bands were not bad, and I absolutely love the headlining band, but we were packed in there like sardines, and more than once jostled and pushed and elbowed for people in the back to get to the front.

Ozan, one of the workstudy guys from the Workshops went with me, having never been to Portland, and wanting to see what nightlife in Maine was like [yes, I said nightlife in Maine...] Being a nice guy, he held his arms out protectively each time I was jostled, making sure I wasn't about to fall over, and protecting me from unwanted elbows to the ribs or face.

Since he also loves beer [he works for Carlsberg in Turkey] we hit up Gritty's in the Old Port, where he said the beer was crap, and that he hasn't tasted good beer at all in the states! We also hit up the Guitar Center because he was looking for a left-handed Fender American Stratocaster Guitar, which he could not find back in Turkey. While he tested out guitars, I wandered around and salivated a bit at the weighted keyed keyboards on sale.

Saturday was uneventful, I worked and did some shopping for a friend's wedding next weekend, and on Sunday I had to babysit. A Little Terror. He was so awful, and my disciplining skills apparently suck. I've sat for this family before, and the boy, who's 6, is normally pretty manageable. But this time, there was also a 15-month old boy, and the 6-year old was out of control. Yelling at the top of his lungs, hitting me, head butting me, bird calls and turning the iPod up as loud as possible and almost blowing the speakers. I had a splitting headache by the time I left there, and I do not want to go back. Luckily, they are not 'regulars', and she doesn't call very often. I also had a chat with The Emperor, and he gave me some tips to work on next time I do go back.

That's about it. A weekend update. I hope everyone is good, and I hope people down in the Texas/Louisiana area are all doing ok. I checked in on one of our clients from Houston this morning and they are without power, but are all fine.

And Then There Were Two...

2008-09-10T10:06:00.002-04:00

So I am officially back at my job, full time, non of this 80% crap.

The Emperor and I are the only two remaining employees in the architectural staff, my boss has gone on vacation for the next 3 weeks, and I'm thinking that when he gets back, I may be in the position to ask for a nice raise. We'll see.

Needless to say, I am back at work, yet we're a little on the slacking off today, coming in late, leaving early, actually taking lunch, and I must say, it's rather nice.

At this point, I figure I will still look for jobs, although not as urgently, because, I feel, I have job security, atleast through the winter. And I don't think I'll be taking his shit, either. I feel more powerful, because The Emperor can't do everything himself, and the boss can't draft, so I serve a purpose, for now.

So I may be around a bit longer, I may not. It depends on where these resume submittals lead me. If I get something I can't refuse, then I'll be gone. If no one is biting, then I'll bide my time, with The Emperor, until next summer, get licensed, and go from there.

We'll see what the future holds.

Update

2008-09-09T12:37:00.002-04:00

This morning we all came in, out of duty to our clients, to finish up what work we had left.

Around 10 am, the accounting department upstairs came down and told us that the boss, realizing what he had done, decided to change his mind, and instead of forcing us to file for unemployment, he would continue to pay us, at 80% of our salary, for the next month. After that, we would re-evaluate and see where we were (in terms of prospective clients).

This doesn't change a thing, really. We are still losing two of the five of us, as they are getting out while they have better offers.

He still hasn't shown his face to speak with us though, and he leaves for vacation this afternoon.

The Scoop

2008-09-09T08:54:00.003-04:00

So here's what happened...

My boss called us all in yesterday morning for staff meeting, and announced that we have lost our most current (and pretty much only) job that we have in the office. Due to the economy slowing (which, honestly, has nothing to do with it - he's just lazy and won't call clients back, or push hard enough to keep a steady flow), so therefore, he will need to let us go, temporarily, while he goes on vacation, and until these clients decide to pick things back up again (3-4 weeks).

He told us to please file for unemployment, asap, so that we may start receiving the measly paychecks from the government (oh wait... did you know that working two jobs totally screws you over??), and that he will see us when he gets back from vacation (aka, Paris).

Oh, but I am not going to become gainfully unemployed, because he wants me to sit here and answer phones for 20 hours a week. Because that right there? That salary? It will definitely keep me afloat.

Je suis caputo.

2008-09-08T23:44:00.001-04:00

I am out of service.

--

Can you guess what I did tonight?? :)

The Kicker

2008-09-08T11:56:00.000-04:00

Oh, and that? The kicker?

He is still leaving for vacation on Wednesday.

Well then....

2008-09-08T11:53:00.003-04:00

So, as of tomorrow PM... I, as well as the rest of my office, are on temporary unemployment.

This should be interesting, considering not one of us has ever had to claim unemployment before.

Maybe I can't refuse if they do offer me that job in NC?

Disbelief

2008-09-05T11:19:00.002-04:00

I went to work this morning a bit early, around 730 to get something finished up for The Emperor.

755, The Emperor walks in, goes to his desk. Apparently he hears me typing on my keyboard, and comes over.

"Hi," he says.

"Morning," I reply back.

He stares at me, and then looks at his watch.

He rubs the sleep out of his eyes, glances at me, then rubs his eyes again. "I must be dreaming," he says, laughing.

I could've sworn I came in early more often than that...

And I'm back... err.. hopefully...

2008-09-03T13:12:00.003-04:00

Hi everyone!!

So sorry, I have been a horrid blogger lately!

But I wanted to share this comment with you, which, I think, puts blogging into a whole new perspective for me.

Regarding about my 'sisters tattoo', Jessica left a message on this post. Now, I know Lil Sis and I are very close, and we got these tats to show that. But this girl... her comment made me cry...

So I just wanted to say Thanks Jessica.

And in regards to my previous weekend? Two job interviews, three cities, and lots of info :)

I'll make sure to post, with pics, shortly!

Jealous Much?

2008-08-21T16:46:00.001-04:00

TM to The Emperor:

You know why Lpeg and I are friends?

No, Why?

Because we know what it's like to have people jealous of us...

~Clueless

Tuesday Banter

2008-08-12T08:50:00.006-04:00

Me: I'm going to go get some coffee...

TM: eww... are you? [She looks out the window and it's still raining, hard.]

TM: May the force be with you.

Brillante!!

2008-08-08T16:04:00.005-04:00

So, thanks to thenextfish for giving me this award! My first one ever, and that was wicked of her :)

I am going to nominate my own personal faves, so, without further adieu...

Hope, from HopeDiesLast
OC, from Am I Secretly on Reality TV?
Accidentally Me, from A Funny Thing Happened On The Way Home
Lil, from The Craic In My Psyche
Sarah, from He Loves Me ~~Not~~
Blue Soup
And, my personal favorite - Kristin, from Vintage Journalizations

Now, here are the rules: (you can play along, or not - I'm just having fun!)

1. Put the logo on your blog.

2. Add a link to the person who awarded it to you.

3. Nominate at least 7 other blogs.

4. Add links to these blogs on your blog.

5. Leave a message for your nominee on their blog.

Erm...?

2008-08-07T09:38:00.002-04:00

"So I'm going to go to the bathroom, and call you from there so we can discuss this..."

Round Peg, Square Hole

2008-08-05T15:22:00.005-04:00

'He's going to shove this round peg into this square hole, even if he has to shave the sides of it.'

Brilliant

2008-08-05T12:04:00.007-04:00

Norman McGrath is giving a workshop this week at the workshops on Architectural Photography. As one of the world's most renown architectural photographers, I met him at dinner last night and proceeded to watch his slideshow presentation.

What a brilliant man.

Quick Update

2008-08-04T10:02:00.002-04:00

Thanks for the wishes for a relaxing weekend.

And relaxing, it was! I slept till 1 in the afternoon on Saturday, and then proceeded to catch up on some Tivo (from this spring!) and laid in bed until about 7pm. It was marvelous! I showered and ventured out for some chinese food, and came back for another 2 movies before I headed back to bed :)

Yesterday I met my family half-way and we had lunch and caught up, filled with spurts of laughter that rang through the restaurant. They must've thought we were all drinking. I did a little shopping, then came back home for another couple of movies. I got some work done in there too, on my resume, body of work, but all in all, it was a completely relaxing weekend :)

Hello Rest, Are You Anywhere In Sight?

2008-08-01T15:21:00.005-04:00

I'm falling apart.

I can barely keep myself together. Barely spend an hour at my desk without wanting to hit something, or worse, cry.

I need to get away, and yet nothing is open. Everything is booked solid, up the entire coast of Maine. And I don't want to drive further than that, or else it's not relaxing.

I am so tired, frazzled, and on my last nerves. And I still have a house guest.

Me, the person who can't say 'no', has a house guest. One that I have to politely ask to find other accommodations for the weekend.

That is hard for me, it really is. I'm a people pleaser. I like to help. And right now, it's only getting me more worn out and frustrated. And I can't go home to the place I call home without feeling like I need to be a good host. Which I am too worn out to do.

This is my first weekend off since June 1, and I am so looking forward to it. Looking forward to sleeping in, watching tv and laying in bed all day on Saturday, and maybe going out for brunch on Sunday. Not entertaining a house guest.

And so I am silently counting down the last few hours of work, jumping out of my seat at 5, on the dot, and going home. Home to my comfy bed and a good book. And dreading that conversation with said house guest.

Neato!

2008-07-31T09:05:00.005-04:00

And yes, I just used that word...

Now this amazes me. SiteMeter delivered my reports this morning, and as I was looking through the referrals, I saw an odd looking page, with a name I didn't recognize. Clicking on it, I realized that it was a forum in Dutch, for a girl looking for a sisters symbol/tattoo.

After getting BabelFish to translate, I read this conversation which took place last night:

http://6amsunrise.blogspot.com/2007/11/tattoo.html
I find nicely

Placed: This way Jun 29, 2008 10:00 pm Subject:

super thanks, here am possible I certainly what! I find that first terribly really, rapidly to mn show little sister! hartstikke thanks! kind linda

Placed: This way Jun 29, 2008 10:05 pm Subject:

gladly done. but that your weet that the first very probable really a symbol is not for SIS-delicate but that the person invented very probable something itself. the person had, however, added something but it not entirely has read. leave know what it becomes. have been aroused curiosity

Placed: This way Jun 29, 2008 10:07 pm Subject:

she told that it a pendant of a chain which she had gezien.dat somewhere in a shop them then, is further is will examine what the meaning was behind, this way doing there. hope, however, that it really what means because these would be super!

Placed: This way Jun 29, 2008 10:09 pm Subject:

then you will appreciate this http://www.mainebonecarving.co.....rvingID=83

Placed: This way Jun 29, 2008 10:10 pm Subject:

there exactly haha sit be surprised! be entirely happy!

Now, I find this amazing. The fact that I blogged about that tattoo, and now my little blog is being read halfway across the world, also promoting Maine Bone Carving.

I just find that too cool! :)

The Day From Hell

2008-07-28T13:26:00.003-04:00

I'm seeing someone. Dr M.

Dr M is awesome, with a great big office a block over from mine, warm demeanor, and a soothing voice.

She's such a nice lady, and very easy to talk to. I met her last week when I had a really bad day at work and just needed someone to talk to.

Gotcha, didn't I? Thought I'd met a great boy? :) [oh, just go with it]

--

So I met with Dr M and we had a nice chat. And when I mean nice, I mean I bawled my eyes out for the entire hour. In between sobs, I just kept repeating, 'I don't usually cry so easily!' Which I don't.

Maybe it was the comfy couch, the soothing voice, and the sympathetic ear. Or maybe I had just had it.

Needless to say, we talked things over for the next fifty minutes, filling her in on why I'm so stressed, what I can do about it, my job applications, etc. Everything that has been on my mind, we talked about. She also gave me some 'homework' to do - write out the best-case scenario for the perfect move. How I will afford it, how I will get there, the apartment I get [the perfect roommates], etc. I don't really know why, but maybe envisioning it will help make it happen? With less stress?

--

I had a terrible day yesterday. Apparently Lpeg and Social Life do not go well together. Because when said Social Life happens, Lpeg is miserable the next day.

I stayed up a bit too late, and when I rushed to get to work the next morning, with little [and bad, I slept on the floor] sleep, I somehow managed to grab my purse, but left the wallet in my car. Which meant, I had no driver's license, credit cards or cash. Which meant on little sleep, I had no options to get coffee or breakfast. I managed to find $2 in the van which I was able to use for 1 hour's worth of parking, making the two high school girls who arrived at the airport first to sit in the van after the first hour, so that I could park in the one-person-must-be-in-the-car-at-all-times parking area, which is free.

Then, because of stupid thunderstorms in New York, two of the three flights were delayed. By an hour and a half. Which meant, that I would not be able to get back in time to have lunch with my family (who drove all the way up here) to celebrate my gram's birthday. Because I only had an hour window before I had to get back to work, and with the delays, that window was abruptly closed.

Then, once I got back, I figured I could jot back to my apartment and have ice cream and cake with my family, but that wasn't possible because I had to wander up Route 1 to find the turkish man who had to be at work and didn't know it [and that wasn't even part of my job description, because he's working a second job somewhere else!!!!!]

So after that, I had about 1/2 hour, so I ran home. And no one was there - they were taking their sweet old time, and within the 15 minutes it would've taken them to get back to my apartment, I was called off to pick someone else up. Then I had to stop at the bus station and take care of those people as well.

By 530, when I was all done and just walking off campus, my cell rings. It's dad. He's calling to say that they were leaving. Couldn't you wait 5 minutes? I'll be right home! I asked, desperately. No, my dad said, we are already on the road.

Needless to say, my entire family drove an hour and a half to have lunch, and I didn't get to see them for even a minute.

I had already broken down once, at the bus station before people arrived, and when dad told me that, the hot tears came streaming down my face, once more. In front of Marty. I fled the campus and picked up some chinese food for dinner [since I hadn't eaten anything all day], and I headed home where I watched Penelope [cute flick!], and jumped into bed around 8pm.

Definitely feeling better this morning, but yesterday - it was the day from hell.

Song of the Moment

2008-07-25T12:24:00.001-04:00

I am in LOVE with this version of 'In Your Eyes'

Fears

2008-07-22T16:14:00.006-04:00

Head under water, and you told me, to breathe easy for awhile....

It's a scary thing, thinking about leaving the place you grew up, the place you call home, the people you love, and the people who have been so kind to you.

I really, truly cannot wait to leave the state of Maine.

But sometimes? Sometimes I get that pang of worry, those butterflies in my stomach.

The grass is always greener on the other side.

There's a part of me that wants to settle down. That is ready to settle down.

There's also the part of me that wants to travel and see the world. Who isn't ready for a permanent 9-5, marriage, house, kids, the works.

And here, in Maine, is where I wouldn't mind settling down. It's where I want to settle down. Eventually.

But not now, not yet. And so I plan and I save, and I look forward to leaving this state, seeing the world, traveling. And I talk to Kristin, and she tells me how much she thinks I'll like Asheville, NC, but how she really loves Maine. And I freeze. And those butterflies come back again. Because really? Why am I leaving? Why am I leaving the people I love, and the place I call home?

It's almost like when you begin dating. And how, for me, I was scared to date, because I felt like the guy I was going to date was going to be the one I married. And that scared the hell out of me. Obviously it doesn't work that way. You try boys out, figure out what qualities you like, dislike, etc, and you move on.

I've hardly begun my moving on, and I'm afraid to leave. Afraid that I will never come back. Afraid that I am leaving for greener pastures, which aren't necessarily greener. And in leaving, I leave behind the my family. My support system.

And that? That is scaring the hell out of me.

Breathing gets harder, even I know that....

Exes.

2008-07-22T10:50:00.003-04:00

Saturday night I went out with Lil Sis to the bars back home. The previous night, The Ex had sent me a few text messages, saying he was out in a nearby town, and that I should join him. No thanks.

But with one drink in me, I decided that it was a good idea to text The Ex back while I was at the bar, vaguely hoping that he might be in town. Luckily he was not, or that would've been a horrible appearance. But sometime later that night, after I had stopped texting him back, he sent me this message:

I do miss you, Lpeg!

I'm not drunk enough for that, I wrote back, the cloth coming off my eyes, realizing what a stupid thing I had done in contacting him in the first place.

Exes. They are exes for a reason, right? And I made that choice and I want nothing more from him. Except when I've had a few drinks, apparently. God, I hate being weak when it comes to men.

100 Books

2008-07-21T16:04:00.005-04:00

I got this from fishy... I've read 19, so far!

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger - I cried like a baby the last 1/4 of this book...
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis

34. Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini.
38. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40. Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan

52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding - I love the movies.
69. Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill
75. Ulysses - James Joyce

76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl - I also LOVED Matilda
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

So Far...

2008-07-18T11:03:00.001-04:00

I've applied to 13 places:

- 1 in Edinburgh

- 1 in Dublin

- 4 in London

- 7 in Asheville, North Carolina (if the Visa process doesn't work out for the UK...)

More to come this weekend: New York, San Diego, and Seattle.

Babysitting Shoes

2008-07-16T08:01:00.005-04:00

I better put on my babysitting shoes today.

Yesterday I was a bit tired, spending all morning on Monday working to set up a computer for our contractor, because while he was on vacation, his laptop died. So after all morning, it was almost done, and that, too, died on me. Thus we moved to computer number 3, which also died. By Tuesday morning, I wanted no part in getting another computer up and running, but was called up [because it was added to my job description] and worked on another computer.

An hour and a half later, I was almost done and the contractor looks at me and comments about some drawings I have just completed for him for another job. I wanted this project off my desk. So when he told me [in not the nicest way possible] that I needed to add some more notes on there [which I didn't think was a big deal, but if he really wanted, I was going to do it], I gave him a bit of a hard time.

Let's go back a little bit. This week has been a bit hectic. The weekend flew by with absolutely no time to decompress, and Monday morning started off with these computer shenanigans. I had other stuff for The Emperor that I had to do [since I was finally moving onto something I actually enjoy], and I didn't want to let him down, or screw up what I was doing. And taking that much time out of my day to work on that, for someone who isn't really all that nice in the first place [most of the time] was just helping my mood.

So by Tuesday morning I was cranky and tired and wanting no part in going up there and wasting more time on that computer. Plus, his keyboard and mouse are Dis-gusting. He doesn't wash his hands after bathroom, then he comes back and uses the phone - the phone that I need to use to call our computer technicians. And his keyboard? There is a beige-ish caking over the keys he never uses. G.r.o.s.s.

So anyways. I left his office, after setting up the newest computer, and added it to my to-do list of items I needed to finish up before the drawings could go out for construction, and the rest of the day went on pretty uneventfully.

Around 5pm, the boss comes over to me, "Lpeg, I need to see you in my office." Crap, I thought. He took off down the hall, and I said goodnite to TM and headed down after him. The main thought was, omg, he's going to fire me. I get into his office and don't even have a second to close the door when he starts in,

"You need to have a bit of humility, Lpeg. [The contractor] says that you were refusing to make changes, and giving him problems when he told you of things that needed to be fixed on these drawings. And I had a look at them, and I agree with him. They do need to be fixed. You need to show more humility - you don't know everything and you are still learning, and you need to show more humility when [the contractor] tells you to do something." He said in that 'I'm not happy with you, and I can't believe we are having this discussion' voice. I politely told my boss that he [the contractor] had just caught me in a bad mood, and I responded in a way that I shouldn't have. I was too stunned to get anything else out of my throat.

Humility? Seriously? The words 'I'm sorry' come out of my mouth more than any other word in the English dictionary. Even The Emperor told me I need to stop apologizing so much. And, it was not that I was refusing to do it! I was just irritated with the way he asked me to do it!

See, the contractor has a history of not reading drawings. And so, I just thought he was pulling crap about not knowing what he needed to do, in order for me to make everything crystal clear for him. Which it is, if you actually read the drawings.

I also had a lot at my plate at the moment and was feeling a bit overwhelmed. But the fact that the contractor had to go to the boss and say that is the thing that pisses me off most. And granted, I understand the boss not being impressed. I shouldn't have acted that way - it was just the way the contractor said it to me, like I was the contractor's little minion and had to do everything he said, when, in fact, I had just spent a little under a day's work doing something NICE for him!

But when the boss did this imitation of me refusing to do the work [which I didn't] to me while he was yelling at me. That pissed me off, and that threw the whole understanding out the window. Because imitating someone [in a non-joking way] is a sign of disrespect. Or not respecting you. Add that to telling the receptionist that I should be the sitter - and well.... you see where I'm at?

I told Marty last night [the other driver at The Workshops] that I was having a bad night, and he let me work from home - heading out if anyone called, instead of hanging around campus for four hours doing nothing, I stayed at home, finishing my resume and cover letter, and sent it out to five places. One in Dublin, four in London. I'm adding Seattle, San Diego, Asheville & Raleigh, NC, and New York City to that list. I'm applying anywhere. See what I get. Then I'll make a decision.

All I know is that I can't take much more of this.

And so I better put on my babysitting shoes today. Because if I say no to him, I have a feeling he'll just think I'm an insolent employee.

ps. - my apologies if this post is erratic. I can't get the words out, and I don't know if I got my point across. Point is, I shouldn't have given him an issue when he told me to add those notes to the drawings. I was wrong there, but I was planning to add them and re-release the drawings. He gets short with me too sometimes. I didn't think he'd be so petty as to go to the boss and complain though. Ouch.

How Stressed Are You?

2008-07-14T20:48:00.002-04:00

I was surfing the web this evening, and on MSN.com's homepage, I ran across this quiz/article, How Stressed Are You? I've been thinking about that alot lately, and so I decided to give it a whirl.

Out of 20, I scored a total of 14, thus fitting into the 11-15 category of Moderate-to-High Stress.

You are experiencing significant stress levels, and it might be time for a change. Talk to your employers to see if any adjustments can be made in your job or work/life balance that can ease the strain. If that's not possible, it may be time to look for a new position.

Geez. Atleast I'm not having chest pains... or thoughts of suicide, which the article states can be a severe consequence of workplace stress.

How 'Bout Them Apples?

2008-07-14T19:45:00.004-04:00

It was a long weekend. A weekend which had no down time, as the only night I truly had off was spent grocery shopping and cleaning. I made four 2-hour drives this weekend, plus an additional trip to New Hampshire for my aunt's Bachelorette party. [She's 50, by the way, and a bit too old to be doing that kind of stuff].

And when I returned on Sunday, I had two more 2-hour trips to make before my day finally ended, at 11pm. 11 hours of work.

Today I came to work in a bad mood. I was tired and grouchy, and didn't really want to talk to anyone. And then the boss came in. Oh joy.

It was a bad day in general, but to put the icing on the cake, we have some clients coming in on Wednesday. Apparently they have three small kids (ages 3-8). And when the receptionist offered to The Boss that she could take them to the playground while they were all meeting, he thought that was a great idea. So did she. She figured if she was going to have to babysit them in the lobby, she might as well take them to the playground.

'Why don't you have Lpeg take them,' He told the receptionist.

WHY DON'T YOU HAVE LPEG TAKE THEM?!?!?!?!?!?!

Are you fucking kidding me? So, I finally realize how important I am. He would rather pay me to babysit than work on anything important.

And I do not mean this in an 'oh, she's great with kids, and the clients will be relieved someone good is looking after their kids,' kind of way. No, this is a 'young female who really has no idea what she is doing, and I don't know why she's even in Architecture because it's a man's field, and the only thing she's good at is making copies, getting me tea, and fixing my computer when I can't figure out how to turn the fucking thing on,' kind of way. And, breathe. I've had to tell myself that all day.

He would rather pay me (more money), over our receptionist (less cost per hour), to take some kids down to the playground. During office hours. When I have a deadline I am trying to make. For a project that we can actually bill out.

Now that, dear readers, is the icing on the cake.

Fuck. This. Shit.

--

But, I had some rather good news in the midst of this all...

Why, the firm in London I want to work for is hiring :)

Now, how 'bout them apples?

Does This Stuff Really Work?

2008-07-09T09:36:00.005-04:00

After yesterday's horoscope, I was destined to meet someone that was going to show me that life is about daring to live life to the fullest. Thinking back to last night, I did a mental rundown of who I came across last night.

And two guys stood out in my mind.

One, I have hardly ever spoken to, who stopped to say hello last night, and yet I still don't know his name, and the other, I have known since the beginning of the summer. That second one, I'll call him DS.

Hey there Delilah, what's it like in New York City.... my phone rings.

Hello? I ask. Hi, Lpeg? Could you bring me home, if you had a few minutes? DS asks.

Five minutes later I've picked him up, and we're heading out to his house, ten minutes away. He had had a rough day, and so I, not really minding, let him vent his frustrations to me on the ten-minute ride home. We talked about what he was going to do after the Workshops were over at the end of the summer, and he mentioned that he had no clue. Travel, he thinks, and so I jokingly suggested if he needed a travel partner to give me a call.

It was a good conversation, in all, and we laughed a bit, and he seemed to loosen up from the previous night, where it was a bit quiet. As I was dropping him off, and DS was half in and half out of the car, still talking and joking around, a police officer pulled up next to me and asked if there was a problem, and I said no, I was just dropping him off.

When the officer drove off, I looked at DS and laughed, You're going to get me pulled over! He laughed, and closed the door.

Goodnight, he said through the open window.

Goodnight, I said in reply.

That went well, I thought to myself as I drove away.

Daily Horoscope

2008-07-08T09:59:00.003-04:00

You were taught that freedom is something rare that shouldn't be wasted, just like anything else that is precious to you.

Except that today, you want to take advantage of your freedom as much as possible, dear Taurus. And you'll want to experience love as well, because the two go so well together.

You're going to meet someone today that will show you that life is about daring to live life to the fullest!

[I'll let you know how that goes...]

Jungle / Crows

2008-07-08T08:49:00.002-04:00

So I just bought this one!

Like, Woah.

2008-07-07T16:44:00.001-04:00

My college roommate...

You guys have to check out his paintings.

http://www.tedmikulski.com/

Murder Investigation.

2008-07-03T06:36:00.006-04:00

My radio alarm usually goes off a full hour before I get up. This morning, half awake, I listened to the morning news.

A murder investigation in Hope Tuesday night into Wednesday morning has a 23-year old Hope man arrested for the murder of Girl, 22, at 30 Pearse Rd in Hope. He then drove her body down to a relatives house, which was found Wednesday morning around 8am.

My eyes popped open. 30 Pearse Rd? In Hope? WTF. That was my old apartment. As in, just-moved-out-in-January, sweetest apartment with the nicest landlords ever. My landlords must be having a heart attack right about now. My old apartment was in a barn-type building about 200 yards from their house, on 7 acres, next to an old dairy farm in the country. It was beautiful.

I've been searching the web all morning for more information about the couple that moved in the day I moved out. I thought her name was, Hannah? I don't remember a Jessica. Maybe they had guests that night?

The only thing that keeps running through my head is my concern for my Landlords. How they were always telling me how glad they were to have a tenant like me, and how you never know who you rent to...

I kind of feel bad for even moving out now.

Check it out.

http://knox.villagesoup.com/Community/story.cfm?storyID=120420

I Know I'm Random.

2008-07-02T13:52:00.002-04:00

I need you to look at something for me, I told The Emperor as he was making his tea.

Oh yeah? he asked. I waited a bit, needing him to open an email that was work related.

So... there's this mole, on my arm.... I trailed off, starting to laugh.

What?

Ok, maybe that wasn't funny...

What did you say, Lpeg? Dep't UI asks, and I repeated the story.

Oh man. That's funny. I think that's the funniest thing you've ever said. He says, laughing.

I thought it was funny. Random. But funny.